7 Top Tips for writing your wedding vows

Sweating about writing your vows? Use these tips to help you get over the mental hurdle because – and this is something I often remind myself of too – sometimes you just have to get out of your own way to make it happen.

Writing your wedding vows can feel like an epic challenge. Like delivering the speech of your life or compiling a prize-winning piece.

But it’s important to approach vow writing with perspective.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not downplaying the significance of the thoughts and promises you share on your wedding day. Just that putting too much pressure on yourself may not be helpful or productive in writing them.

Here are seven top tips that my couples find useful during a vow planning session:

1. Think about speaking to just your partner – yes, your guests are going to hear too, but they are there because you care about them and they you (hopefully!) rather than to witness an Oscar-worthy performance. And they’re sure to applaud the commitments you make when they are from the heart and sound like you.
2. Write as you would talk to your partner – ok so there may be a limit here, you may need to consider oversharing and the need to spare Aunty Jean’s blushes, but the anecdotes, quirks and in-jokes you enjoy as a couple are all good.
3. Reflect on what you’ve already shared with your celebrant – directly during conversations and through the couple’s quiz you completed*. Chances are the info and thoughts you have already provided, when you felt less pressure and your thoughts were flowing, include some gems and themes for your vows.
4. Your first draft doesn’t have to be perfect or the version you share on the big day. You can refine or change what you write. You can even discard the whole lot and rewrite. But start writing. And remember I am here to help you with this if you need me.   
5. As with every aspect of a celebrant-led ceremony, there are no rules. You don’t even have to include reading your vows yourself, if the thought of doing so makes you want to run to hills and forget the whole thing. There are many other options, such as incorporating them in the ceremony script, so all you say is ‘I do’. 
6. If you are writing them to be read yourself, and you’re still struggling to get going, this can be a useful structure to follow:
   • Start with the stuff you love about your intended – what warms your heart about them? Makes you laugh? Inspires you? What do you love about the way they show their love for you? Think about the serious and the not-so-serious stuff.
   • Think about your promises to them – what do you want to vow to start doing with or for them? What do you want to vow to continue doing?
   • Look to the future – what are the goals and dreams you share? What are looking forward to about your married life together?
7. Remember what teamwork makes…you have the option to write your vows together if it works better and feels more ‘you’.

*The Couple’s Quiz is my way of making capturing your thoughts about each other fun, and starting to discuss what you might like to include in your ceremony.  Read more about how it works when you choose me as your celebrant.

I’m here for all the help and support you need to bring your wedding ceremony together. Get in touch and let’s have a no-obligation chat.